Restfully 
When my grandma who we lovingly called “Gaga” died, it was hard keeping her memory alive. Gaga loved hosting and many of my memories of her are sitting around a dinner table where she cooked all kinds of food from macaroni and cheese to Beef Wellington. I always feel joy when my dad says, “God bless, Gaga!” as a toast at the table. That small ritual makes it feel like she is never far from us at the dinner table with her beloved family. – Sarah
Grief needs room to breathe. Rituals can make that space.
Even small ones can help us feel less lost. A ritual gives structure when life feels unrecognizable. It marks moments that matter and honors what is hard to name.
You do not need to follow a religion to create something meaningful. You only need honesty, presence, and a little repetition.
What Makes Something a Ritual?
A ritual is anything you return to with intention.
It may involve a symbol. It may follow a pattern. What matters most is that it carries emotional weight. Lighting a candle on holidays. Playing their favorite song on Sundays. Taking a walk in the same place each week. These count. A ritual does not need to be public or formal. It just needs to feel right to you.
Family Rituals to Honor a Lost One
Grief can feel isolating, but shared rituals help families stay connected through it. These don’t need to be elaborate. You might set a place at the table on special days, cook their favorite meal together, or take a yearly trip to a place they loved. Even watching a movie they cherished can be meaningful if done with intention. These moments remind everyone that the person is still part of the family story. They also allow different grief styles to show up in the same space, without forcing everyone to process in the same way.
Grief Persona-Inspired Rituals
Grief looks different for everyone. These suggestions are grounded in the Grief Personas framework. Think of them as starting points, not rules.
The Open Heart
You feel grief deeply and want to share it. Try:
- Telling stories aloud with loved ones
- Lighting a candle at the dinner table and saying one memory
- Creating a grief journal and writing letters to the person you lost
The Steady Hand
You find comfort in doing. Try:
- Making a memory box and organizing keepsakes
- Preparing a favorite meal of the person on a regular day
- Marking their birthday with an act of service or donation
The Seeker
You look for meaning in loss. Try:
- Reading something sacred or philosophical at the same time each week
- Keeping a reflection journal about what grief is teaching you
- Starting a daily question like “What still connects us?”
The Quiet Anchor
You feel most at peace in solitude. Try:
- Taking a weekly walk in the same place
- Drinking tea in silence and letting yourself remember
- Building a small stone stack in a personal space as a private marker
How to Start One
Keep it simple.
Start with one small action you can repeat. Pick something that feels soothing or true. It can last five minutes. You can invite others or do it alone. You can change it over time. You do not need to explain it to anyone. Ritual is for you.
Rituals give shape to the unspoken.
You do not need belief to show care. You only need the courage to pause and feel what is real.
Shared Family Rituals
- Cook their favorite meal on birthdays or holidays
- Share a memory roundtable at the dinner table
- Create a playlist of songs that remind you of them
- Plant a tree or garden in their memory
- Keep an “open letter” notebook for everyone to write in
- Revisit a special location together each year
Creative Rituals
- Make art inspired by your time together
- Record a voice memo each week about something you miss
- Create a photo altar or digital tribute wall
- Collect their favorite quotes in a shared notebook
- Design a personal symbol and wear it or keep it close
Quiet & Reflective Rituals
- Read a passage from a book they loved
- Meditate or pray with their name in mind
- Observe a moment of silence each week
- Watch the sunrise or sunset with them in your thoughts
Toasts or Sayings from Different Cultures
| Culture / Region | Toast or Saying | Context / Notes |
|---|---|---|
| United States | “To those we’ve lost but never forgotten. May their memory be a blessing, and their love live on in us.” | Used at holidays, memorials, or informal gatherings with family and friends. |
| Ireland | “May the roof above us never fall in, and may the friends gathered below it never fall out. To [Name], who we’ll meet again where the music never ends.” | Common at wakes or storytelling gatherings, blending humor with sorrow. |
| Jewish Tradition | “May their memory be a blessing.” (Zichronam livracha) | Often spoken quietly or written. Used to honor a person’s legacy with reverence. |
| Mexico | “To [Name], who is with us tonight as we remember, laugh, and tell stories. You are part of the table, forever.” | Spoken during Día de los Muertos celebrations and family gatherings. |
| Japan | “Otsukaresama deshita” (You worked hard / Thank you for everything) | Followed by silent respect or an offering at a home shrine. |
| Russia / Eastern Europe | “Let us raise a glass to the bright memory of [Name]. Gone from sight, but never from heart.” | Followed by a toast of vodka and often a silent moment. |
| China | “To [Name] – your spirit lives on in your family and your deeds.” | Offered during Qingming (Tomb-Sweeping Day) or ancestor altar rituals. |
| Ghana (Akan) | “They have joined the ancestors. May we live lives they would be proud of.” | Said during community memorials with dancing, drinks, and storytelling. |
| Greece | “To [Name], may they rest in peace and watch over us.” | Used during meals or remembrance rituals like mnimosino. |
