When Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stages of grief in 1969, it gave people language for a difficult and often isolating experience. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance quickly became a common way to describe the emotional landscape of loss.
Over time, however, grief researchers and counselors have clarified an important truth: grief is not linear. You don’t graduate from one stage and move to the next. You might loop back, experience several at once, or skip some altogether. Kübler-Ross herself later said the stages were never meant to be a strict timeline.
At Restfully, we honor that reality. Our Grief Personas framework adds dimension by showing how different people may move through these emotional stages based on their natural coping style.
A Quick Overview of the Five Stages
The five stages are:
- Denial: A protective numbness or disbelief that cushions the shock of loss.
- Anger: A response to the pain and injustice of death, often directed outward or inward.
- Bargaining: “What if” thinking that tries to regain a sense of control.
- Depression: Deep sadness and withdrawal as the reality sinks in.
- Acceptance: Integration of the loss into your life without trying to fix or resist it.
How Grief Personas Move Through the Stages
Each Grief Persona responds to loss in a unique way. Here’s how they might appear within the five-stage model:
| Stage | The Open Heart | The Steady Hand | The Seeker | The Quiet Anchor |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Denial | Clings to connection, feels disbelief | Keeps busy, avoids emotional conversations | Searches for philosophical answers or “signs” | Withdraws quietly, unsure how to express feelings |
| Anger | Expresses frustration or sorrow openly | Snaps when plans fall apart | Questions the meaning or fairness of the loss | Shuts down or simmers with quiet resentment |
| Bargaining | Replays conversations, hopes for alternate endings | Tries to fix or organize their way out of pain | Bargains with the universe or digs for understanding | Internalizes emotions, hopes to gain quiet clarity |
| Depression | Cries openly, seeks comfort in shared stories | Feels angst and overwhelm once the action stops | Becomes lost in thought or spiritual searching | Retreats from others to sit with pain alone |
| Acceptance | Finds healing in shared rituals and remembrance | Settles into new routines that include the loss | Constructs meaning and finds new purpose | Lives with loss privately and quietly |
Why This Matters
The five stages help name emotional responses. Grief Personas help explain how those emotions show up. For example, two people may both feel anger, but one cries while the other cleans the garage. Neither is wrong. Both are grieving.
Knowing your own persona and understanding others’ helps reduce judgment and miscommunication. It also helps families support each other through the chaos of loss with more compassion.
Key Takeaways
- The stages of grief are not a checklist. They are themes that can come and go.
- Your Grief Persona may shape how and when these stages appear.
- Sharing this framework with loved ones can create empathy and improve support.
- You are allowed to grieve in your own way. So are the people around you.
Further Reading and Resources
- The Five Stages of Grief – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Foundation
- Understanding Grief Processing Styles: A Framework of Grief Personas
Closing Thought
There is no single roadmap through grief. But there are tools, language, and support to help us find our way. Whether you are most like the Seeker, the Open Heart, the Quiet Anchor, or the Steady Hand, your way is valid. Understanding the stages through your unique lens can help you move forward with grace and clarity.
