Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. For many people, the hardest part of grieving starts later – months or even years after the loss. If you’re wondering how to support someone who is still grieving, this guide will help you say the right things, show up meaningfully, and avoid the common mistakes that can make them feel more alone.
Why Grief Doesn’t Go Away
At first, grief is visible. People send meals, messages, and support. Then the attention fades. But the absence doesn’t.
Birthdays, holidays, and even quiet days can still hurt. Some people may seem fine on the outside but feel broken inside. That’s normal. Grief doesn’t disappear. It settles in.
If you want to support someone grieving long term, your presence matters more than your timing.
Signs Someone May Still Be Grieving
Even if they don’t bring it up, grief often shows up in subtle ways:
- Withdrawing from social plans
- Avoiding celebrations
- Going quiet around anniversaries
- Talking about the person in present tense
- Feeling tired, distracted, or detached
You don’t need to wait for a signal. Most grieving people won’t ask for help. Reaching out shows you care.
What to Say to Someone Who Is Still Grieving
You don’t need perfect words. Simple, honest messages go a long way:
- “I’ve been thinking about [their person].”
- “This time of year might be tough. I’m here.”
- “You don’t need to reply. Just wanted to let you know I care.”
If you’re not sure what to say, focus on remembering, not fixing.
You can also:
- Mark important dates. Put their person’s birthday or death anniversary in your calendar. Reach out when it comes.
- Say their name. This small act can bring comfort and relief.
- Offer time, not advice. Invite them for a walk, bring food, or sit with them.
- Ask real questions. Try “How are you doing with all of this?” or “Do you want to talk about them today?”
Your job isn’t to cheer them up. It’s to be someone who lets them feel what they feel.
What Not to Say to a Grieving Friend
Avoid phrases that suggest closure, silver linings, or forced positivity:
- “They’re in a better place.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “At least you had time with them.”
- “You should be moving on by now.”
These often do more harm than good. If you’re not sure what to say, say less. Silence is better than a sentence that erases their pain.
If It’s Been a While, It’s Still Not Too Late
Worried that too much time has passed? Say something anyway. Try:
- “I’ve been thinking about you. How are you holding up?”
- “I know it’s been a while, but I’m still here.”
- “I’ve wanted to check in but wasn’t sure how. I care about you.”
People remember and appreciate those who checked in. Even years later.
Looking for more ways to support someone in grief?
Explore Restfully’s grief guides and planning tools →
