How to stay human when work keeps going
Grief does not take PTO. Whether someone you love has died or is nearing the end of life, it can be difficult to manage your emotional world while still showing up to work. Deadlines, meetings, and responsibilities do not pause, even when your heart is breaking.
You do not have to handle everything perfectly. You are allowed to be honest about what you are carrying. This post is here to help you navigate work during one of the hardest seasons of life.
1. Decide What to Share
You do not need to share every detail. You can keep things short and clear.
If someone has died:
- “I lost a close family member and I am still grieving. I may need some flexibility.”
- “I will be using bereavement leave and may not be responsive right away.”
If someone is terminally ill or in decline:
- “A loved one is nearing the end of life. I may need time off or to adjust my schedule in the coming weeks.”
- “This is a hard time for me personally. I will do my best to stay present, but I may need extra space.”
You can speak to your manager, HR, or a trusted coworker. Choose who feels safe.
2. Know Your Options
Most companies offer some bereavement leave, but the details vary. Ask about:
- How much time is available (and if it is paid)
- Whether you can use sick or vacation time
- Flexibility for caregiving or anticipatory grief
- Adjustments to your workload or deadlines
You can also advocate for what you need, even if it is not clearly written in a policy.
3. Plan for Re-Entry
Coming back to work after a death or during active caregiving can feel strange. You might want to stay busy or you might feel unfocused. Give yourself permission to feel whatever shows up.
Let your team know how you want to handle things:
- “I’d rather not talk about it at work, but I appreciate your support.”
- “I may be slower to respond this week. Thanks for understanding.”
- “It helps me to focus on work. Please keep things as normal as possible.”
You do not owe anyone a full update. Share only what helps you feel safe.
4. How to Communicate with Your Manager
Remember, you do not have to share everything, but it helps to set expectations. Managers often want to be supportive but may not know what you need unless you tell them. If you are having a hard time speaking about what’s happening, emailing or DMing is a reasonable form of communication.
Here are a few ways to start the conversation:
- “This is a really hard time for me. I’ll try to stay on top of things, but some days may be harder than others.”
- “I’d like to adjust a few deadlines if possible. I’m having trouble focusing right now.”
- “I’m not comfortable sharing all the details, but I want you to know what’s going on so you have context.”
- “Please let the team know for me. I don’t feel up to explaining it multiple times.”
If your manager asks how they can help, give them something concrete if you can. For example:
- “It helps to keep meetings short this week.”
- “Could we move that presentation to next month?”
- “I’d appreciate some space and low pressure right now.”
If your grief is ongoing or someone close to you is still declining, you can say:
- “My situation is still unfolding. I’ll check in regularly, but I may need more flexibility ahead.”
Being honest helps prevent miscommunication. You are not being difficult. You are asking for dignity during a painful time.
5. Normalize the Grief Experience
You are not “less professional” because you are grieving. You are not failing if you need to cancel a meeting or take a break. Grief is not a problem to solve. It is a process to live through.
Let your coworkers see that being human and being reliable can happen at the same time. You can grieve and still be a valuable part of your team.
6. Keep Your Boundaries
Grief can be uncomfortable for others, and some coworkers may respond in unexpected ways. You might notice people pulling back or oversharing. It is okay to protect your space.
You can set clear, kind boundaries without explanation. For example:
- “Thank you for the support. I’d prefer not to hug right now.”
- “I appreciate you wanting to connect, but I’m not able to take in anyone else’s story at the moment.”
- “I know this brings up a lot for people. I just need some quiet space at work.”
You do not need to manage other people’s emotions. Your comfort matters too. Setting respectful boundaries helps protect your energy and focus during a difficult time.
Final Thought
Work will continue, but so will your grief. You do not have to pretend. You do not have to be cheerful. You only have to do the next small thing and give yourself room to breathe.
If you are navigating grief, Restfully is here with language, resources, and reminders that you are not alone.
If you want resources for how to manage someone navigating through grief, check out this post.
